Befriend your shadow.
What do I mean by shadow? In Jungian psychology, the shadow is often considered the parts of ourselves we like to keep hidden, the parts of ourselves we don’t really like, the dark traits or patterns we all possess. These parts may be known, or unknown to us, repressed, rejected, or hidden from others. So why would we befriend these parts of ourselves? Well, integration of all of who we are is what helps us feel whole. It allows us to have more intimate relationships when we share all of who we are and are loved from that space. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Many of us either aren’t aware of this side of ourselves (though others may see it) or we actively try to hide it. When we reject the shadow parts or pretend they don’t exist, they end up having more power over our lives than we want them to. Think of physical health, if you ignore the symptoms of diabetes, pretending it doesn’t exist and not receiving treatment or making lifestyle changes, you will just continue to get sicker until it becomes unmanageable, greatly impairing your life. Think of your mind like that, if you pretend the shadow doesn’t exist, it will continue to grow and influence your life in ways you do not want without your consent.
I talk a lot about self-acceptance and compassion. This is what I mean when I say, “befriend your shadow.” The not so pretty parts of us are still parts of us. When we treat ourselves with acceptance and compassion (this doesn’t have to mean you like it), it allows room to actually shift patterns. I like to say, you can’t hate yourself into loving yourself. Befriending your shadow helps you to have more agency in your life to make different choices, instead of being controlled by this part of you in ways you don’t want. It helps you take accountability in your life, being responsible for showing up the ways you want to. It’s truly liberating to be the designer of your life and living in your authentic truth. Going back to the diabetes example, instead of pretending it doesn’t exist and eating in ways that make you feel worse, you could accept it, treat it with compassion, and make choices that help you feel your best. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Carl Jung, “until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will direct your life and you’ll call it fate.”
Questions to ponder.
What are some of your shadow parts?
Why do you ignore or hide them?
How can you offer your shadow parts some compassion?
