Honesty with yourself: A love story.
Trust is a key component to any healthy relationship. What builds trust you might ask? Consistently showing up, making decisions for the betterment of the relationship even if it’s hard, respect, empathy, taking responsibility, and of course honest communication. This is true in relationships with others, as well as, our relationship to ourselves. Today, we are going to focus on the honesty piece with ourselves. If you want to build a sense of trust with yourself, you must first be honest with yourself. Easier said than done. Humans are so so good at lying to themselves. Sometimes it’s not straight up lying, it can be more covert, like hiding the truth or not sinking deep enough for true self-awareness. True, unedited honesty with ourselves can be quite painful sometimes. It can clash with what we want, how we see ourselves, and how we relate to others. Radical honesty is how we begin to truly know and understand ourselves. It shapes our identity, decisions, and sense of security in this world.
One might ask, how do you know if you’re truly being honest? Well, unfortunately, as most questions in therapy, I don’t have a clear answer to give you. It’s personal. Oftentimes, in our modern fast-paced culture, we do not slow down enough to even reflect in this way. Giving yourself time to go inward, ask yourself some questions, and reflect can be a great starting point. Then pay attention to how your body feels. Are you tight , tense, and constricted? Or are you at peace, relaxed, and grounded? I find that when being honest with yourself, even if you do not like the truth, there tends to be a stillness with this inner knowing. It’s important to practice honesty even if you think it doesn’t matter. What you might think are harmless white lies, such as telling someone you like something you actually don’t, are actually teaching yourself that you cannot trust your outer behavior to be in alignment with your inner world. That is the not the message we are going for. Ultimately, it erodes self-trust and makes it harder to know when you are being honest with yourself or not on bigger matters. Think of radical honesty with yourself as an act of love, an act of acknowledgement, and an act of being known.
Questions to ponder.
When do you notice being dishonest with yourself?
If you were truly honest with yourself, what in your life needs to change right now?
How can you practice more honesty in small ways daily?
