Be a better friend.
You want positive, supportive, loving, fun, friendships? Well, you need to be that kind of friend. Our modern world has become increasingly individualistic, moving us further from loving reciprocal communal relationships. We are social animals, connecting is a biological need. In fact, being alone is interpreted by our nervous systems as a threat, because it is. Can a baby survive on its own? No way! Think back to hunter gatherer days, if someone went off of their own that would be dangerous. It’s hardwired into us to be in community because that is safety. Our nervous systems have big reactions when our safety is compromised. This is why loneliness can cause so many mental and physical health problems. So much of modern society is contributing to our lack of community. People are spending less time gathering in person and more time online. People are taught to “set boundaries” and “protect their peace.” Which are good things, however not when they are taken to extremes which can feed isolation and loneliness by losing relationships and not connecting with community. Want to feel more connected, cared for, and have better friends? Being a better friend and community member is how you do that.
So how does one be a better friend? The simplest place to start is the golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want to feel cared for, you must care for your friends. If you want support when things are hard, you have to support them when things are hard for them. You want to have people to spend time with, you need to send out the invitations sometimes. Be responsive, ask them about their lives, check in when you know they’re having a hard time, bring them food when they’re struggling, be honest and vulnerable with them while being a safe space for them to do the same. Being a good friend is inconvenient and requires energy. Guess what? The same applies when people are good friends to you. It’s important to build mutual relationships. I don’t mean keeping track of every thing each person does to keep count, but you both need to be engaging in the relationship. Invest time and energy into your friendships so they can flourish. Seek out friendships that embody this energy. Allow people to be close with you. Practice being a better friend and watch your community grow.
Questions to ponder.
How connected do you feel to your friends and community?
What traits in your friends make them a good friend?
What can you do to be a better friend?
