We really are our own worst enemy sometimes.
The title says it all. So many of the problems we are faced with have less to do with the outside world and more to do with our internal world. Our challenges, triggers, reactions, and hard feelings might be responses to things outside of ourselves, however the real work happens within us. I’m not dismissing the very real hardships that systems place on folks, nor am I suggesting to let everything go. If you are struggling to pay rent, buy healthy food, or afford health care, that is not what I’m talking about. Feelings are valuable information. What I am saying though, is we often make life harder on ourselves all on our own. We tend to have ways of doing things or thinking that causes us stress or hardship. This might look like, doing things you know will drain you later, having big reactions in your relationships and behaving in ways that might harm that relationship, fighting against yourself, or letting your insecurities govern your actions. We’ve talked about how important the stories you tell yourself are. That is a major component of you being your own enemy. These stories might not be based in the reality of the present moment. When this happens, your reactions to these stories might very well cause problems in the here and now. It’s easy to believe these stories, our minds really make them sound so believable!
So how do you stop getting in your own way? For starters, get curious about the stories you tell yourself. Ask yourself, ‘“is this true? do I have evidence for this? is this based on the reality of the situation? where is this coming from?” If you deduce that these stories are in fact not true, based on reality, or come from past experiences, then it’s time to challenge them. Remember, you don’t have to believe everything you think. It’s also helpful to give yourself some time before reacting. Calm your body and your nervous system down first before you make any decisions. Maybe take a walk, journal, or if in a social setting, just go to the bathroom alone for a minute to ground yourself. And ALWAYS practice self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself if you’re afraid, fearful, scared, anxious, or feeling any other painful feeling. The key here, is you want to be on your own team. You want to be your biggest cheerleader and kindest companion.
Questions to ponder.
What are ways you end up being your worst enemy?
What is a common story you tell yourself that gets in the way of your goals?
How can you be on your own team?
